Do you have a bucket list?
I know my bucket list. The biggest one on my list as a primary school kid was to act in a TV show, a theatre play or musical of the sorts. Before I turn 25 of course. If not I’ll be a old, boring and a sob figure.
Well, I did partially achieve that dream by acting in school plays and participating in drama CCAs from secondary school all the way to University and even once in a skit at work!
There were many other things I wanted to do before I die (or sometimes before I grow old) – whether they were morally questionable was not paramount to me. I wanted to purchase and drink alcohol before I was of legal age, I wanted to experience clubbing, I wanted to try smoking, I wanted to see what a gay club is like, I wanted to know what a strip club is like…
By God’s grace I’ve never been to a gay club nor a strip club. Unfortunately, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to, but none of my friends were crazy enough to accompany me! Some folks may argue that there is nothing immoral about some of the activities listed above and yes, they are absolutely right. The question isn’t so much about what is an absolute right or wrong, but in the intention of the desires we pursue.
The mould in your heart.
I love this analogy that Adel, our guest speaker for this week gave us.
There is a mould in each and every one of our hearts. That mould is in the image of God. Just like little children, we continuously try to fill up that mould with something. The problem is, if we try to fill it up with something that doesn’t come from God, the shape will be wrong. We’ll try to slam it, we’ll try to twist it about, we’ll scream and try to push it through. And if we do this long enough, we may end up breaking ourselves.
So what can fill us?
Of course pursuing my bucket list contributed nothing to the goal for more joy or fulfillment in my life so I gave that up. And as every other good Catholic knows, praying and going to mass is the best way to attain true happiness!
But…if that is true, our churches and adoration rooms should be packed! Well…and we all know reality often speaks otherwise.
At least a lot of times, prayer can be like this for me:
Hello? Can you hear me?
Hi…I know you are there…okay I’ll wait a bit…
(Maybe I need to pray more…longer…more intensely….)
I must be mad…speaking to air. Urgh I’ll sleep. Yes Lord, I trust you, you know what I want la hor…bye!
It is so boring and frustrating isn’t it! That God tells us to speak to Him often in prayer and yet we feel nothing at prayer. Why would a loving God to that to us? Even my mother answers me with a disgruntled ‘uh’ when I shout at her. How can I relate to a God who isn’t tangible or real?
I also often thought that only the holiest can see and hear God. How lucky they are! Just like the Israelites of the old days. Surely if I saw God with my own eyes I would believe Him! But then I remembered Mother Theresa who for years was trapped in a spiritual darkness where she did not feel God. And yet, in those years, she continued to persevere and did God’s work.
Who then can debate the fullness of life Mother Theresa had with Jesus as the Lord and center of her life?
So Adel gave us a tip. That it is a gift to know what we need even if we don’t feel it. So let’s pray for God to fill us with that desire and passion for Him, to feel Him personally in every prayer and in everything we do.