When we chance upon this word, one would automatically think of the following connotations : Repayment, Cost, Time
We spend a portion of our lives working to pay back that HDB Loan/ Car Loaan
I’ve been grappling with this notion of debt too throughout this retreat. The notion of how Jesus forgives us repeatedly
He expects almost nothing (except a heart of repentance)
During Saturday’s outpouring, I kept asking the Holy Spirit “How foolish can you be to forgive me repeatedly”
Unknowingly, I’ve been falling into a cycle of despair. Thinking that I was unworthy of His forgiveness as i grappled with my sins and addictions.
Frustration grew to sadness. Sadness grew to self doubt. Self doubt translated to suicidal tendencies. From jumping off to self mutilation in the hope of bleeding out.
I struggled to internalize this sense of guilt
But Saturday’s outpouring came to me like a direct blow. To have experienced the loving presence of the Holy Spirit and Jesus in that few hours
I cannot quantify what I’ve experienced, but I did truly feel the presence of Mother Mary during that few …precious moments.
With comfort and knowledge that Jesus died on the cross for our sins no matter how big or small it may be is a source of comfort for us.
Alone without God, we cannot accomplish a lot of things. But when we journey with God hand in hand like a child , we can overcome a lot more.
May we journey on in faith. And in our moments of frustration, know that He is always around
“Your love so deep is washing over me
Your face is all I seek, you are my everything
Jesus Christ, You are my one desire
Lord, hear my only cry, to know you all my life”
Sinking Deep, Hillsong
And with that, i shall strive to keep Jesus in my heart as I sing and serenade OYP with my morning opera stints. Like a boat at full mast, I sail towards the Lord ♥