WHO WAS I?
I was Zacchaeus, perched up on a tree, searching… I was the prodigal son, wasting away my life, wandering too far to go back… I was the woman at the well, shameful with sins, lost and lonely… I was the disciple during the storm, holding on to hope desperately, fearful…
At that point, I used to think that I’ve gone too far off to be redeemed. Humans are weak like that. We were told the many saving graces of Christ, that He would never let go of our hands. While faith is about believing without seeing, how many people actually embrace that thought? In these moments of desperation, where do we look for Christ? Naturally, on fellow human beings. We are sensitive beings constantly looking for empathy and common understanding. We would want to seek advice from people who have walked in the same shoes before. God knows of this fact very well. I mean, how couldn’t He, when He was the one who created us? Thus, He places vessels all around to help illuminate His light. I call them God’s lighthouses (some call them human angels of God). Not perfect, shiny and holy people, but broken, beaten people who have experienced God’s grace and mercy. You and I.
If it wasn’t for God’s lighthouses, I wouldn’t have known, that Jesus was there, holding out His hands, asking me to come down from the tree, and inviting Himself into my home and my heart. I wouldn’t have known, that Jesus was waiting with open arms, and He was more joyful than anyone when I returned. I wouldn’t have known, that Jesus was ready to offer me the water of life, to free me from all bonds. I wouldn’t have known that Jesus was there, all the time, and there’s no reason to be afraid at all…
I felt very blessed that the community I’m in recognizes its importance. I’ve gone through 2 sessions of testimony sharing throughout this formation period, and there’re some things that’s been planted deep into my heart.
Every time someone shared their life stories, I was amazed by how much courage they have. “Why?” You would ask. Well, to put it simply, when you’ve found something wonderful, wouldn’t you want to share it with your loved ones? The joy of it is just too immense that you’re shining from the experience. When you’ve received something so beautiful from God, you’d really want the people dearest to you to know too. Every time after people shared all the amazing things God has done in their lives, I was thrown away and overwhelmed, and my inner monologue is always, “GOD, WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD?”
And to be able to disclose some of their most sensitive and intimate secrets, it dawned on me on how much they trust their community to keep these secrets within the divine confidentiality we’ve promised each other, for them to share so comfortably, to shed both tears of joy and sadness, to request for prayers and intercessions. It also showed that they have come to terms and have been healed to be able to say it out loud. I felt really warm and blessed to be part of this circle to witness all these.
Finally, I saw how the community grew through the sharing of testimonies. We were united through our vulnerability. We laugh and cry together. We understand where each of us come from and the circumstances that surround our spirituality. I realized that we’re all just the same. We’re all sinners, all searching for God, and all growing together. There’s no one who’s more righteous than another, or more “holy”. We learnt how to not judge others, and develop empathy to the members of the community. We’ve CHOSEN to become each other’s LIGHTHOUSE.
I tried but failed miserably to put into words how beautiful this process is, to share your life with other people who you see as dear. I’ve gone from feeling distant, rejected and awkward to feeling warm, accepted and belonged.
Will you be willing to help carry the light of Christ? Will you be a LIGHTHOUSE?